Bruno Mars - Locked Out of Heaven
We got to spend a little time outside this afternoon in the 61-degree fall weather. 'Rad made his way to the front of the house and as I followed him I started to groove to this song in my head. Then I started humming it. Next thing I knew, I was doing a little dance to it while walking down the driveway. Not one to miss a dance party, Connor started doing his little baby bounce, followed by his trademark spin, then back to the bounce. Who doesn't love a baby dancing? But what really got me was how measured it all seemed, as if in his mind he was thinking, "Ok, bounce three times, then a spin in 1-2-3 steps, theeenn back to bouncing. You got this Connor, you got this." He dances so readily, I freaking love it. All you have to do is clap your hands, snap your fingers, hum or sing a song and you've got a bouncing, spinning baby 'Rad-a-Dude on your hands.
Connor felt my extra absence this week as much as I felt my absence from him, clinging to me more than usual whenever we were together. Add to that teething (I see some whitecaps coming down from above!) and what I believe to be a growth spurt (how much can that kid eat?), and we've got full-on meltdown if he's not in bed or on his way there by 8:00 pm sharp. Tonight would be a case in point. We also bring part of this on ourselves by trying to not give him his baba (pacifier, nuk, paci, binky what have you) outside of the crib. Baba, you will be happy to know that you are once again employed full-time until teething gives further notice. I'll let you two figure that out.
I'm trying to make a big life decision right now. It's hard to figure out what you think you might be good at and weight that against how far you think you can push yourself. And sometimes, how do you know if you'll like something or even be good at it if you can't get close enough to that thing without falling into the middle of it, like falling down a well, be that well good or bad? And if pushing yourself, hard, would be to the benefit of your family and you know, ultimately, for you, should you just do it?