Thursday, November 01, 2012

A Non-Ode to Work

Today I started my new job and have entered into a new era with balancing work, class, and 'Rad.  The 35-minute commute to and from work doesn't help, but with the assistance of Grandma, Lola, and Z, we are all going to make this work somehow.  Some days I'll drop 'Rad off at Jean's, some days Z will.  Some days Grandma will pick him up from daycare, some days it may be Lola, Z, or me.  In this case it really is taking a village, and I couldn't be more grateful that the villagers have rallied on our behalf.  Unfortunately, my new jobs means that I'll likely spend even less time with Connor during the course of the week.  Today I rushed home to spend 15 waking minutes with him before we read him his stories and put him to bed.  Other days the most time I'll get to spend with him will be the scant 2 hours in the morning before I have to drop him off at Jean's and head down to work.  This is going to suck.  But I'm hoping that time and familiarity will lessen that sentiment and it won't seem like such a big deal, or at least we'll all just get used to it.  Then hopefully things can start to get better.

It's ridiculous, but since I only saw him for a short while this morning and 15 minutes tonight, he just looked older and bigger.  Will I be missing out on too many precious moments because of work and school and everything except directly caring for my 'Rad-a-Dude?  Is this just what parenthood is for a while?  I'm conflicted but not confused - what I'm doing is unfortunately what has to be done for all of us to keep on keeping on and hopefully make life better.  It just sucks.  Did I say that already?  Yeah, I did.

Doin' it all for both of these guys, but mostly for 'Rado.  Sorry, Blue boy.  No hard feelings.

I just hope that when Connor gets a bit older he a) doesn't really remember me not being there that much with this whole new shift in schedule or that he b) understands why both Z and I did what we had to do for the sake of our family.  I sound so grown up.  Who am I?

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