Today, instead of heading right to Amy's to pick Connor up after work, Z and I met some friends at Samba for an unusually gluttonous Tuesday night dinner. I had a glass of wine, we chatted, and listened to live smooth jazz all while stuffing my craw with numerous meats sliced off of swords (yes, swords!) and making more than one trip to the salad bar. It was immensely enjoyable, and it's taking everything I've got to write this to you instead of falling asleep at the keyboard with a belly full of Merlot and steak.
Tonight's dinner was a welcome break from the norm. Many people would say that as a mom I "needed" tonight's dinner. It's an innocuous enough statement and one that can help with any not-with-baby-at-this-very-moment guilt. But there's something about someone telling me what I need that doesn't sit right (I have issues in general with people telling me what to do, so this might just be an offshoot of that). Moms have a lot of needs that get pushed to the back of the line when there's a little one who needs taking care of, and in that way I feel the need to be alone for a little bit every day, the need to do absolutely nothing a few times a week, and the need to sleep in whenever possible. But I know what I need in spite of how many times I push those needs aside.
Remember that you, mom or not, have things that you need to do. Only you know exactly what those things are and only you know how ridiculous or mundane they may be. Just don't forget about them. Indulge them once in a while. And if there's something you want to do but can't justify it, call it a need and get on with it (yesterday I needed to dip a caramel-filled piece of Dove chocolate and eat it at 10 in the morning. I was a much happier person for it). My current need: a personalized piece of jewelry. In Italy by the Ponte Vecchio a street vendor bent a single piece of wire into the name "Conrado" and made a bracelet out of it. I lost it days later and am looking to replace it. Ideas?
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