Change in the Air

Remember when I thought Connor was on the verge of crawling?  Ends up that that verge is much bigger than I thought, a wide band between being still and motoring around on all fours where he seems to be stuck.  So stuck that it feels like he's focusing his energy on learning to walk instead.  When he's sitting up, the little guy will put his hands down in front of him and make like he's going to try to crawl.  But instead of progressing, he just sits there with those hands on the floor and on one knee, waiting for something to happen.  And it doesn't.  So he doesn't crawl.  When we put him on his belly, he'll sometimes get up on all fours and start moving back and forth like he's revving or winding up his engine.  Shortly after that he'll start to whine and cry, looking at us for help and only getting encouragement in return.  Considering how difficult it seems to be to learn to crawl, it's probably good we don't remember it.  Life gets hard enough when you get old enough to remember.  You'll get it 'Rado, I know you will!

The dude seems to have more fun standing.  If he's laying supine and I hold out my hands to help him sit up, he takes it to the next level and pulls himself to standing every time.  And he is happy to stand outside of his bouncer and play with the toys from that new point of view.  He fell from that power position twice today, and I'm proud to say that neither of us cried or even let out a gasp.  He hasn't taken any steps, but he will allow himself to free-fall towards whatever he wants when standing.  It's a scary prospect, his lack of fear, but it's this same quality that I want him to carry on to adulthood.  Tempered with common sense and a few safety measures, that is.

Just as 'Rad is on some developmental verges, I feel like my life exists solely on them - on being in the middle but ready to advance.  When it comes to the time I spend with Connor, I can't get myself to live in those moments; my mind is pulled to what he was like when he was a wee little one, how much he has grown.  At the same time I think about how big he'll get, about the fact that he will be a year old in four short months, four months.  At work my mind is pulled to previous positions and how far I've come.  In the same turn, maybe in the other half, my brain mulls over what the future holds and how much influence I have over it.  I'm on the verge geographically, educationally, you name it, I'm on the verge.  Nothing is stable, everything is ready to change at a moment's notice.  Nothing is as it seems.  Sometimes, I take comfort in that.