But we made an important decision today, and one that seems completely obvious now that we see it: To stick as close to Connor's schedule as possible, not matter what we have planned. I don't want him to be a complete slave to his schedule, as I don't want to be either, but I know that that's selfish and that he's a baby who needs routine and that he's a Virgo who cries for the same. So instead of just flying by the seat of our pants with the only framework being that he eats every 3 hours, we'll try to make sure that he eats at the same time every day. If he gets a little off we'll try to get him back on schedule. We'll try to play with him and do our tummy time and read our books around the same time every day. We'll try to put him down for his naps around the same time every day. Pretty commonsensical, right? Yeah, I don't have a lot of that.
When days like this happen, I worry that I'm purposefully depriving his baby brain and body of the essential sleep they need to grow big, strong, and smart. These days don't happen too often, but are they happening often enough to have some lasting effect? When I voiced this concern to Z, his response was, "If I had a nickel for every concern of yours..." My retort: "If I had a nickel for every concern of mine that wasn't a concern of yours..." I think we're a good yin and yang in life and for 'Rad. As crazy as I may sound, I think I've come a long way since his days as a newborn and I hope to continue to move to the middle ground. Actually, I'd be ok if I don't make it to the middle ground as long as I find the confidence and make solid decisions about how I want to raise the 'Rado.
I think I may be a long way from getting that confidence in being a mother and in being myself, but those are goals that I'm consciously working towards. My new 'do is a step towards, as Z said, getting my groove back. I hit a little rough patch there, and I'm not out of the woods yet, but my goal is, whenever those rough patches hit and throughout my whole life, to always come out a little further ahead each time I rebound. I think I'm a bit of an optimist, so raise a glass!