I've been kind of irritable lately and I can't put my finger on the exact reason why, which is making me even more annoyed. Z is the unfortunate recipient of my irritability, but he either graciously or luckily says that he hasn't noticed. I tend to think I'm being a raging b when no one else seems to notice, so maybe this is one of those situations. But, I really think I'm acting crazy and he's just being nice about it.
Maybe it has to do with the fact that I'm afraid that my milk production is going down (Nina, if you're reading, now would be the time to skip to the next paragraph. Boob talk commencing in 3, 2, 1...). I have taken to only breastfeeding 'Rad once a day - all other feedings are given to him by bottle at daycare or by Z before bedtime. This weekend, since he was acting particularly fussy and hungry a short time after I tried to breastfeed him, I thought, Hey, let's just bottle feed him exclusively. I'll continue to milk the cow, but by bottle feeding him I'll know that he's getting as much as he wants. Ever since then, I haven't been able to yield as much milk from pumping as I did days before.
Buy me a Jump to Conclusions Mat if you must, but I'm a smidge concerned. Hopefully this weekend was just an anomaly and we'll be all good from this point on. I'm making sure to drink lots of water, though, since I didn't down my usual gallon or so each day this weekend and maybe that had something to do with it. The hair on the back of my neck prickles a little just writing about this issue - I don't want to jinx myself - but I think it's important to talk about.
When I started boob feeding 'Rad as a newborn I really wasn't into it. I scoffed at how breastfeeding was revered as important bonding time, maybe partly because I didn't have problems doing it. Thinking of losing the ability to do it, though, saddens me. At first, I thought it would be a miracle if I made it to three months without giving him a drop of formula. Now that we've reached that milestone, I'm pulling for at least six months of exclusively feeding him breastmilk. I really hope I can keep on producing, not only for the bonding aspect but also for the nutritional benefits. And, well, let's face it, for financial reasons, too. Mostly for the bonding and nutrition, though.
"What is that?" you say? That, my friends, is a little sneak peek of the first of 3 (maybe 4) personalized cross stitches that I'm putting together as Christmas gifts. I'm really excited about them and can't wait to work on one for our house. Cross stitching is almost like meditating; all of your attention is focused on this one thing, each step and each motion and all of the details consume you and before you know it you look up at the clock like you've been holding your breath the entire time and find that an hour has quickly passed. It's a great thing to get lost in, and one of the things that I like best about it is that you can go as big or as little with it as you want. I've chosen to go little, 3" high little. Big is overrated.