Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Change in Seasons

Even though the dark clouds are still hanging out in the sky outside my windows, they've cleared from my mood.  What a difference a day (and a walk) can make.  It feels so good to get rough emotions out, but there are times when I regret unleashing them too early instead of giving myself a day or even just a few hours to marinate in them.  I can't guarantee that I'll ever learn my lesson on that front, so you get to read my down-in-the-dumps thoughts and my it's-gonna-be-all-right ones as well.  Aren't you just the luckiest?

Someone once told me that things get better with a newborn once you reach week six and I'll vouch that that's true.  Every day isn't perfect and Connor and I still get exasperated with each other, but I know how to respond to him better and I appreciate him more.  It's great when he takes a nap not just because it gives me a break (although those nap breaks are awesome!) but because I love watching him sleep, arms splayed out over his head or at his sides, that little pacifier either still between his lips or chugging in and out of his mouth.  I don't think I'll ever be a "baby person," but I'm a 100% baby lover for the 'Rad.

In the calm moments, I try to take in how small he is and how he'll never be this small again.  And when he's not a baby anymore, I'll never forget how, when he was fussy, I used one foot to bounce him in the bouncy seat while trying to keep milk from spilling on my legs while pumping or how I could never get to sleep until he quieted his piggy noises from the nursery while settling himself in for the night or when he used to fit into the cutest onesies that were this tiny.  There will be a lot of moments that I won't capture or fully enjoy until it's too late, so I'm doing my best to minimize the ones that fall into either of those categories.  Listen to me, I'm talking like he's already heading off to college.  I'm not tearing up while writing this.  I swear.

'Rad and I went to our first organized story time today at the library.  It was low-key and he seemed to enjoy it even though I kept him up during his nap time to participate.  We had some nursery rhymes read to us and acted out with paper cut-outs, sang some songs, and I realized how little I remember of some classic poems (who stumbles over "1, 2, buckle my shoe"?).  As alone as I used to and sometimes still feel since having a baby, Connor has made us quite the social pair - I've attended more social gatherings without knowing anyone that I ever have before.  My goal: To make sure he isn't as socially awkward as I am.  I think we're off to a good start.

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