Monday, September 26, 2011

The One-Month Mark

Now that 'Rad has reached the one-month mark, my mind is consumed with the idea of putting him on a schedule.  It's something I think it important for both of us.  For him so that there is some structure to his day and a predictable pattern of what to expect next.  For me so that there is some structure to my day that I can work with and around.  Is he old enough to be put on a schedule?  Does he have a natural schedule that I can play with to create a more structured one?  Do I even know how this schedule should work and how strict I want to be with it?  The only answer I have for those questions is a hearty shrug of the shoulders and a needy glance to anyone who has any suggestions.

As much as I've promised myself that I wouldn't turn to the internet for help, I have.  I'm like an addict who says that I'll only do it one more time, only to be searching for more help on the next question that pops into mind minutes later.  Just one more search!  Wait, just this last question!  I keep telling myself that I'm going to parent the way I see fit, the way the fits my personality best.  Problem is, I never anticipated how much of an unknown my personality would become to me after having a baby.  I don't feel like I don't know myself, I just don't know the parts of me that are now being called on since entering momdom.  So I continue to query all of my family, friends, and the internet about questions like the one above, just to forget the advice I've been provided so that ultimately it is up to me to make my mind up about how I'm going to work this whole child-rearing thing.  And I'm starting with a schedule.  Did you put your child on one?  What was it like?  How strict was it?

Besides structuring our day around a schedule, I've started planning our days around this wonderful list and am looking forward to getting this book in the mail:

Thanks to the Rookie Moms, Connor and I mustered the strength to attend our first play group last Friday.  It was so great and offered an incredible sense of community.  Plus, it marked the first time I breastfed in public!  Sure, I used one of the Boppy pillows they had, but I whipped it out right in the room, boosted by the fact that no one else seemed to be shy about it.  It's very unlike me to attend a social event like that without knowing anyone, but it seems like when you're a new mom you're always put into that position, and why hide out in the house for 10 weeks because of it?  Plus, I think about that fact that I'm now on week 5 of maternity leave and I feel that the rest of my time at home with Connor is going to fly by.

I have mixed feelings about that.  Part of me is sad that I'll soon return to the working world and will only have a few precious hours at the end of the day to spend with my little guy.  Another part of me is excited to get back out there, to contribute to our finances and have a purpose outside of the home and my own schedule to follow.  There are big chunks of the day where I feel like a waste of space.  When I'm not feeding Conrad or if I'm tired of entertaining him, I think of how I could be out there earning some extra dough to cover all of the looming expenses having a child brings.  It's strange to have a baby when you describe yourself as not being a "baby person."  That doesn't mean I love my boy any less, but I am more excited for the days when he can give me a little more back - a smile, a giggle, or a word. I don't feel bad about that.  It's one thing I knew about myself before having Connor that hasn't changed.  I love the poop out of him even if he is essentially an eating, peeing caterpillar right now.

Our kids - big brother keeping and eye on little bro

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