Thursday, April 07, 2011

Cult of Personality

The life Z and I have together is still young, but I often wonder if it will always feel like a work in progress. He is in the middle of getting his college degree - work in progress. The house needs lots of fixes and improvements - work in progress. I'm pregnant and busy building a baby - work in progress. We've got some debt to pay off - work in progress. It's nice feeling that you are going somewhere, that there is a reason to keep striving to make things, and yourself, better. But I cherish love those moments when you can rest and just feel stable and peaceful and content, like this:

Summer is more of a time of contentment than winter (especially Wisconsin winters), and I'm looking forward to that "easy life" feel, whether things really are easier or not. Just the few hours of sunshine today (which I was inside all day unable to bask in) made me feel giddy. I seriously felt like an obnoxious little kid who couldn't sit still and wanted to talk to everyone about whatever came to mind.

Everything I do and feel now gets a second thought, that thought always being: Will Junior feel or be the same way as me? Sometimes I think, Eh, that won't be too bad. Other times I panic and am thankful that Z's genes are in there somewhere to hopefully balance out my crazy. Then it starts going further - maybe Junior will be like my mom or my dad (who recently suggested that I stay active towards the end of my pregnancy so I'll have the baby sooner than later. He said this in all sincerity, trying to problem solve how I can attend the wedding of a family friend that is planned within days of my due date). These thoughts start to swirl in my head, then I get a hankering for a McFlurry and out those thoughts go.

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