The Fever

Connor had a fever this morning.  After a whiny night during which Z and I lovingly mocked him and told him to stop being such a baby (it may sound heartless, but it was all in fun), he woke up with a temp of 101.2.  No daycare for the 'Rado today.  I will always be curious about how 'Rad acts and interacts with other kids in daycare, but I love how he plays with us.  Sure, he's still a bit of a baby clinger, but that bit of attachment now enables me to lift 5 grocery bags in one hand, a baby in the other, and still be able to close the trunk of the car and unlock and open the door to the house.  He likes sharing his toys with us, so I end up with pockets of Playmobile figures and palms full of dirt.  Pretend to run after him and he pulls his shoulders up to his ears, bends his arms, and starts to quickly scuttle away, baby-style.

Then there are days when all he wants is to be held.  And even if I've only spent two total hours with him all day, it feels like too much.  I worry that I'll have to pull the left sleeve off of all my shirts because that arm is becoming overdeveloped by way of being a Connor perch.  Some days I just need time to study or finally work on that Christmas present I owe my sister from last Christmas (Ann, I haven't forgotten).  I have no idea what's going on in the world because my world is baby laundry, study sheets, dishes, and dinner.  Paying attention to the larger world will help me get perspective, but sometimes it's hard to even see past three hours from now.

It's times like these that I think having another kid is a bad idea financially, emotionally, you name it.  Those feelings eventually dissipate, but they're there.  Oh boy, are they there.  Our current situation doesn't allow us to go for baby #2 right now, but in our grand family plan, around the holidays this year is when we'd start trying.  We'll see.  Some days I think Connor is perfect and that we should stop while we're ahead.  Other days I think having a playmate for him will somehow make life easier for me, and I'm ready to jump on that bandwagon. Right now I'm not jumping on anything.

Have I talked to you about the whole fall rebirth feeling I get each year?  I'm feeling the need to peel off a fresh layer.  Like an onion, when the outter layer gets stinky (yes, I take adequate showers) or just wrinkly and crunchy, it's time for something new.  A new outlook or a new facade.  A new take on everything.  Bring on the changing leaves, nature, I'm ready for a change myself.