Monday, October 08, 2012

Have Some M&Ms

At the same time that I worry about spending enough quality time with 'Rad, I worry that I'm not ignoring him enough.  It sounds cruel and counterintuitive with a sponge-y 1-year old, but I think that fawning over 'Rad as I do is fostering an unnecessary neediness in him.  I revel so much is his hugs and smiles and the feeling that he needs me that I can rarely stand to leave him alone.  But lately he's been throwing tantrums that have thrown me into an even more intense questioning of how I interact with him and how I'm doing with disciplining him.  Sure, he's just a little over a year old and he doesn't understand discipline, but he can understand right and wrong and throwing tantrums is just wrong, 'Rad.  You heard, baby boy?

I've been having car pep talks with myself lately in the face of these tantrums.  I tell myself that I have to believe that I know best (even as I write wavering, wobbly-kneed words about how I feel I'm doing) because if I don't believe it how can I expect 'Rado to?  I tell myself that I need to find my convictions and stick to them (even as I internet search "dealing with tantrums" for anyone's advice), because I am notorious for not sticking to my guns.  I tell myself that it's time to quit acting like my facade has never been cracked (even as I ridicule the pimples on my cheek that just will not go away (I'm over 30 years old now.  I mean, really?)) and just fight through each day, proud of the duct tape wound 'round all of my wounds.

'Rad ready to move some loads

Today was a take-a-deep-breath kind of a day.  Unfortunately I didn't do that before spouting off a bit to Z. But tomorrow is always a new day.  Tonight is always restorative.  And right now is always a good time to forgive yourself.  And maybe have some M&Ms.

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