Thursday, May 03, 2012

How Old Are We?

I continue to take for granted the fact that Connor is just a baby, a yummy, addictive, 8-month old baby.  I imagine that he knows exactly what I'm saying because his beautiful brown eyes seem to understand so much.  I think that he knows what I want him to do when I give him a toy he's never played with, a spoon that he's never rightfully used, or put him in a completely new situation.  Maybe it feels this way because we've both come such a long way in the past 8 months.  It's probably at least partially attributable to the time warp that is infancy.

I'm amazed at how much we both can do and have learned on our own and from each other.  I remember the days of maternity leave when I silently wished that I could put 'Rad back in my belly because it was just easier that way; when he was belly-bound I knew how to take care of him without having to deliberately do anything.  Then we reached a point where I was ok enough with breastfeeding that we did it in the parking lot (I never got to the point where I could b-feed him in PUBLIC public).  Now we're at a point that I never thought I'd reach - where I'm not running to 'Rad's side or pacing in front of his door when he lets out a little peep or makes a little fuss after bedtime.  And 'Rad.  I've been keeping you updated on how he's grown in leaps and bounds where he's to the point of throwing fistfuls of Cheerios at his mouth in the hopes that something will make it in and letting out little "Mmms" when any do.  This from the days of having to blow on his face, change his diaper, or completely undress him just to keep him awake enough to feed for more than 5 minutes.

But tonight, as Z and I tried to make sense of the mess that is our basement, I felt nostalgic about his 0-3 and 3-6 month clothing days as I found little outfits and hats that he never had the chance to wear.  How easy it is to wish ourselves past momentarily difficult times only to pine over them once they've past.  This will forever be the story of my life.  I can only hope that I will reach enough peace of mind to enjoy the moments that I will soon be reminiscing about.

I'll be missing the days when 'Rad was trying to crawl once he starts motoring for real.

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