Saturday, May 19, 2012

Cool? Cool!

While changing 'Rad's diaper this afternoon, Z mused on how cool it was to leave Connor with his mom while we went out to lunch with his brother over Mother's Day weekend.  It was nice, I'll admit, to eat at a buffet and not have to wait for Z to get back so we could take turns mauling the sushi table (yes, sushi at a buffet, and it's gooood, too.  And no, we don't eat at buffets that much).  But I'm not sure how ready I am to feel anything but a dollop of anxiety and a bit of identity loss when leaving Connor with anyone but Amy.

When we're not together I wonder if he's behaving himself (whatever that may mean for an 8-month old) and if he's happy.  Inwardly, I feel that a bit of myself has been left behind and I'm not sure how to function properly without it.  Although I've sworn to not lose myself in the parenting process, "mom" is a relative term - without Connor physically there to mother I'm, well, me.  I've been working on that person for decades before 'Rad came around and my identity hasn't suddenly stopped shape-shifting since he came around.  But, I do feel it solidifying bit by bit.  I feel like there are times when I actually know what to do.  And as simple of a thing as that is, it can be a revelation sometimes.

I know that 'Rad was happy at daycare on Friday because it was his first time in a pool.  Amy filled the kiddie pool with a few inches of water and let the babies splash around and cool off.  When I picked Connor up his cheeks were rosy, he was smiley, and his hair was rockin'.  Exhibit A:

And Exhibit B:

Ooh!  Ooh!  AND...Connor can officially crawl!  We suspected that he could do it about two days ago, but as of today he is really crawling.  He is now motating from one object to another without just pivoting and stretching out to really long to reach what he wants.  He is a crawling, pulling-to-standing, falling-on-his-butt-and-getting-back-up-again machine.  This means great things for him, for me it means getting used to a whole new set of things to try not to freak out about.  Maybe waiting to learn to crawl until after Mother's Day was his true gift to me.  Oh Connor, you know me too well.

Speaking of things that are cool: I love the show Community and saw this episode the other night.  I repeat, I love the show Community.

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