Wednesday, February 15, 2012

In the Heat of the Moment

On my way to work I realized how strongly tied my emotions are to others, and that’s especially true with the ‘Rad-a-dude.  Go ahead, ask me how my day was.  Did Connor sleep well and eat like a champ?  Then it was a good day.  Was he fussy with an upset stomach.  Then I was off all day and can’t wait to start anew tomorrow.  This is exactly what I didn’t want to have happen – I didn’t want my personality to meld so much into my kid’s that I was no longer an independent being.  Is that possible when you have a kid?  A friend who used to only have one kid told me that it was.  Now that she has two, she says that it's hard to not fall into that trap.  Is it really a trap, or is it just that you and your kid are so inextricably linked that it's a beautiful bond that can't be broken?  Who the hell knows.  Some days I feel lucky to know exactly how I feel about something.

Connor started getting solid food in the middle of the day today.  He's really taken a shine to the stuff, so much so that I get worried that he's not taking down all 7 oz in all of his bottles all day long.  But the kid isn't withering away, he's happy, and he is into his squash, bananas, and peas, so I need to just ease up.  How many times have you heard me tell myself that?  This is sure to not be the last.

Everything about 'Rad seems so momentous - what he eats and when he eats it, what his diapers contain, if he has an off day, or what milestones he reaches and when he reaches them.  It's so easy to get caught up in the right-this-minute of it all, and that's all good.  I my quest to be more "zen," being in the moment is something to strive for.  But there's something to be said for pulling back and looking at the entire marathon route instead of focusing on the next 50 yards; it's a matter of pacing.  If I don't take some of my own advice and some from others and some from books and probably a smidge from Tina Fey or Goldie Hawn or Dolly Parton and just slow it down and ease up on the freak outs, I'll probably injure myself before I reach the first turn.  Sometimes I make so much sense when I write things down, but if it's up to me to think of them in the heat of the moment well, let's just remember that there have been several days when I've walked from my car to the office and back again because I didn't remember to grab my phone.  Or my purse.  Or the breastmilk in the fridge.

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