(Written at 10:20 p.m. last night)
The first true holiday familial flurry is going to begin tomorrow, so I wanted to get some thoughts down before my head gets completely turned around. It may be a few days before we speak again.
Thanksgiving '09. Gimme some of that bird!
Right now, 'Rad is napping. We'll wake him up in about 10 minutes for his last feeding before bedtime. This is a good time of day because it's when we get the most done at home, but it's also the time that I feel the guiltiest because as much as I want to play with him when we get home, I want him to take a nap in equal measure. Being with him is more important than cleaning the dishes and washing his bottles, but having those chores done puts my mind at ease so I can be with him more fully. That's more true tonight than ever since we had some things to do around the house in preparation for our five guests (four people + one dog).
It feels weird knowing that my parents don't have any Thanksgiving plans and that I'm not going to see them until Christmas. Have I told you how I feel such a stronger pull to be with them since having 'Rad (I think having a baby has short-circuited my memory board)? I do, and any chance I can get to be with them I try to take advantage of. The holidays are always so family-oriented as is, so it comes as no surprise that I'm being sentimental about not sharing Thanksgiving with them. But Christmas is our holiday, so in just a few weeks we'll all be reunited again in one big house with one big, loud, continuous conversation and a few games of Scrabble filling up our days.
(Written at 9:09 a.m. today)
I wonder what life will be like when Z and I own the home that our kids come to during the holidays. I hope that we can offer them the great, crazy, rambunctious, loving household that my parents offer to us during the holidays and any other time we feel like going home. Right now, the home that we have to offer 'Rad is cluttered, a whole lotta furry,
Fur provided by: This guy
a little chaotic, somewhat stressful, but full of love and lots of ooshing. I don't think it's a bad environment by any means, but we can always make it better.
As scattered as the holidays can make me feel, they're also incredibly centering. I've also rediscovered how important physical activity is to my well-being. Yesterday I took Blue out for a 15-minute jog, my first in months (guess I preemptively said good-bye to my running shoes). It was awesome! The cool air cleared out my lungs which I'm certain were circulating stale air, the movement cleared my mind, and the dark quiet of the neighborhood helped calm my nerves. I'm not sure how often I'll be able to fit these little jogs in, but I think I'm going to make more of an effort to include them in my life at least a couple of times a week.
(Referring to 5:53 a.m. this morning)
I got up this morning to manually pump before bottle-feeding the 'Rad. I heard him whimpering, so I started to pump faster to avoid an early-morning meltdown. Plus, I always get a little frantic when I hear him fussing near feeding time. I finished up, went into his room, and found his little foot wedged between the side slats of the crib. I feel terrible; my little man was taken hostage by his bed and I did nothing to help him until I was ready. He wasn't crying and obviously wasn't hurt, but when I got to him he just looked up at me, his eyes saying, "Thanks for coming over. Now are you going to help me out of this predicament or what?" I always want to be there for him, but I have a feeling a lot more of that is going to be happening now that he's found the motion in his ocean and is starting to move more on his own. I think this is when the real fun begins...
Have a great Thanksgiving! Eat a lot, don't feel bad about it, and get a lot of laughs in before the turkey puts you down for a nap.