It has been a busy few weeks! For starters, I gave birth to our little boy, Conrado Ramone, on August 28 at 1:22 p.m.
I'm happy to report that the labor was relatively routine - we headed to the hospital at around 3 a.m. on Sunday morning and I started pushing a little before noon - and since his arrival nothing has been the same. Z and I are completely in love, but we are also exhausted and on a serious roller coaster ride. If you've ever been skeptical, I can assure you that there is such a thing as love at first sight. But hormones can also cause you to be irritable and frustrated at the same time. I didn't use the hormone defense too much when I was pregnant, but I'm calling on it now.
I now understand why there are so many movies and tv shows about parenthood and taking care of babies. It is comical and extremely difficult, and I've learned that in 12 short days. Right now the difficulties are what I notice the most, but I also have to laugh when I change Connor's diaper and find that he's just peed himself because my fingers dipped into a puddle pooled at the bottom of his changing pad. We're still working on our night schedule, which makes me anxious when the sun goes down. But he's a newborn and as we've been told and as we've learned, we're at his mercy for at least a few more weeks until everyone's established their routine.
Routines are a funny thing when you've just had a newborn because your old one goes out the window when the baby is born, then you adjust to the new boss and his/her schedule while on maternity leave, all the while knowing that you'll have to readjust to yet a new routine, one that involves work and baby, not just one or the other like it was before. It sucks, actually. I already feel the anxiety of being home alone setting in. I'm not worried about being able to take care of Connor. What I'm worried about is feeling and being alone for so long. I want to live closer to my family now more than ever. For having a whole new human being at home, I didn't ever think being a new mom would involve feeling so isolated.
I'm taking things one day at a time. And how thankful am I that I don't have to make this journey by myself? Z and I will make it through these first tough months. I know they're completely worth it, but damn are they hard. I'm not usually such a wuss about things, especially after 12 days. Everyone tells me that it gets easier, which it must or else I couldn't imagine people would have more than 1 child. But that is little comfort when I already feel so confused and uncertain. Let me revise the first sentence of this paragraph: I'm trying to take things one day at a time. It's much easier said than done.