Friday, September 09, 2011

It has been a busy few weeks!  For starters, I gave birth to our little boy, Conrado Ramone, on August 28 at 1:22 p.m.

I'm happy to report that the labor was relatively routine - we headed to the hospital at around 3 a.m. on Sunday morning and I started pushing a little before noon - and since his arrival nothing has been the same.  Z and I are completely in love, but we are also exhausted and on a serious roller coaster ride.  If you've ever been skeptical, I can assure you that there is such a thing as love at first sight.  But hormones can also cause you to be irritable and frustrated at the same time.  I didn't use the hormone defense too much when I was pregnant, but I'm calling on it now.

I now understand why there are so many movies and tv shows about parenthood and taking care of babies.  It is comical and extremely difficult, and I've learned that in 12 short days.  Right now the difficulties are what I notice the most, but I also have to laugh when I change Connor's diaper and find that he's just peed himself because my fingers dipped into a puddle pooled at the bottom of his changing pad.  We're still working on our night schedule, which makes me anxious when the sun goes down.  But he's a newborn and as we've been told and as we've learned, we're at his mercy for at least a few more weeks until everyone's established their routine.

Routines are a funny thing when you've just had a newborn because your old one goes out the window when the baby is born, then you adjust to the new boss and his/her schedule while on maternity leave, all the while knowing that you'll have to readjust to yet a new routine, one that involves work and baby, not just one or the other like it was before.  It sucks, actually.  I already feel the anxiety of being home alone setting in.  I'm not worried about being able to take care of Connor.  What I'm worried about is feeling and being alone for so long.  I want to live closer to my family now more than ever.  For having a whole new human being at home, I didn't ever think being a new mom would involve feeling so isolated.

I'm taking things one day at a time.  And how thankful am I that I don't have to make this journey by myself?  Z and I will make it through these first tough months.  I know they're completely worth it, but damn are they hard.  I'm not usually such a wuss about things, especially after 12 days.  Everyone tells me that it gets easier, which it must or else I couldn't imagine people would have more than 1 child.  But that is little comfort when I already feel so confused and uncertain.  Let me revise the first sentence of this paragraph: I'm trying to take things one day at a time.  It's much easier said than done.


KristinG said...

Find a new mom's group asap - it will help you keep your sanity during all of the adjustments and as a bonus you'll find playmates for C when he actually becomes interested in other babies. Most doctor's offices / hospitals can point you in the right direction.
I completely understand the feelings of isolation - it comes with the newborn package and is part of that whole 4th trimester that no one tells you about. I remember getting ready to leave the hospital with Lola and thinking "are these people really trusting me to leave with this tiny little person?!" One day at a time...and sometimes you have to narrow it down even more and just concentrate on getting from one feeding to the next. Funny that now, looking back, I fondly recall and miss those nights of quietly rocking at midnight, 2 am, 4am, while gazing out the window at the stars in the sky...I saw a lot of shooting stars - keep your eyes peeled (if you can keep from drifting off lol) and you will see them too! Sorry to ramble...will address the rest in private when I reply to your message on fbook. Love and hugs and btw - you are doing an AWESOME job Mommy!! :)

Jojo said...

Thanks, Kristin. It helps a lot to know that I'm not the only one who's felt this way after bringing home her bundle of joy.

No one does tell you about the "fourth trimester," and although I felt prepared to tackle my L & D, I feel completely unprepared for this new state of motherhood. I look forward to any advice you may have for me!

Emilie & Eric said...

I love your brutal honesty. I have spent my fair share babysitting other people's kids, but I've never been left with a newborn without Mommy very near. So it scares me to think of doing it in the future, but it's a good scare. Because it's doable. So I'm sure you're doing your personal best (which is all anyone can ask of you). Hopefully you do fall into a routine with C baby because selfishly, I hope to hear more about you being a mommy here on this blog!