Wednesday, February 13, 2013


I'm doing it.  I will be in bed (but not sleeping.  Damn you, baby dishes! *shakesfistintheair*) before 9:00 9:30 tonight.  I've been thinking about how I cling to routine for Connor and try to make sure he gets fruits and veggies at each meal and that he gets to bed around 8:00 so he's well rested when he heads to Jean's in he morning.  But when it comes to taking care of myself, I might as well eat out of the garbage and sleep for four hours standing up in a closet.  All of my best intentions for myself get swallowed up in the vacuum of time, or not enough of it.  I installed a little goal tracker app on my Nook in the hopes that it would help me eat more fruits and veggies, take my daily vitamin, and do 20 minutes of yoga each day. A lotta good it's done me since I don't even have time to turn the thing on each day.  Either way, I think there's merit in trying.  And trying.  And continuing to try because the first time you didn't do so hot or you had a relapse or because you know that being content is great but you should still strive.  I'm striving for those golden moments of contentment so that I can see what I'm really pushing forward for.  I usually think I know what it's all for, but I also know how quickly that one true thing gets buried under all the junk. If you've read this blog for any amount of time you know how much I relapse, get back on the horse, and get buried.

This was a picture I took on Monday morning, when 'Rado and I spent time together before I had to head to work.  His nugget looks huge.  But it's still the best smelling, cutest one I know.  What goes on in that nugget and how it's acted out when we're together is a source of pure joy, frustration, confusion, and love.  There's so much I could say, but I'd be saying what I've already put out to you.  Above all, I find strength and comfort in the words, "This too shall pass" and trying to take the Zen approach of enjoying each moment and not trying to look much past that.  I'm obviously no Zen master, but I like their gardens.

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