Hey there, good lookin'
I've been feeling like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde lately; the change from my work persona to my "real" persona is startling. At work I struggle to stay on point, to focus on my e-mails and spreadsheets and task lists and processes when all my mind wants to think about is 'Rad, Z, and being home with my family. Forcing myself to think about one thing when I rather think about something else, well, it feels like trying to push car that has it's breaks on, and I'm doing both the pushing and the breaking. Once I make the transition from "work me" to "regular me" though, it's like throwing off an un-glamorous, not-magical cape and roaming the world with a freer mind. That's all I want - a free mind and time to indulge it.
But that seems like a really difficult thing to get these days. I continue to be appalled by the travesty that is being a working mother (I say all this with my ideal situation allowing me to work part-time). I call it a travesty not because I have anything against working and being a mother, but because our lives are structured to not allow working parents to spend many waking hours with their kids. We work hard so we can have families, take care of those families, and raise those families, but working hard means that we have very little time to do any of those things that we work hard for. It's a catch-22 and it's a complete load. Is this really how it is? I know for sure that it's not the way it should be. How can we make this better? There has to be some way...
Off of my soap box and back home, I'm trying to find that peace of mind that I'm working towards. I catch glimpses of it when I see Z fawn over Connor, feeding him dinner and not wanting to put him to bed because he just wants to play with him. Bits of it float to the surface when Z, Blue, Connor, and I get to walk around the neighborhood after work, catching up, breathing in the fresh air, and taking in the open spaces. I feel it every time we are together as a family (let's be honest here, I also feel it for a split second when I buy something). Where and when do you find your daily peace of mind? Maybe I should open my eyes a little more for those opportunities to feel free.