Sunday, November 27, 2011


Sometimes I get annoyed that I'm the mother.  I get up to feed 'Rad at 6:00 in the morning every day of the week.  I stay up with him until nap time or his next feeding if he doesn't get tired.  I feel like the majority of his well-being - particularly his a.m. well-being - is up to me.  Sure, I'm an enabler in a way, but it's difficult to reconcile how much I enjoy playing with him and being with him with how much of it feels like work.  An experienced mother assured me that it does not get easier.  I appreciate her candor, but I think I would have appreciated a little lie a bit more.  This is motherhood, though, so I need to hear the truth so I can start to accept it.

I often forget that 'Rad is not even three months old yet.  I have to remind myself that he's not going to be saying "mama" anytime soon, nor is he going to be walking or learning his manners before the year is out. It's amazing how quickly three months can go by and yet how long it can feel.  It's also amazing how quickly I feel I've changed in these past few months.  Being a mom injects some crazy get-it-done hormones into your veins and every spare moment is filled with laundry, dish washing, pumping, picking up around the house, or whatever else needs to be done.  That's not to say that I've purchased all (or any) Christmas gifts or that I make fresh blueberry muffins every morning, but I think it's made me more driven and focused.  Ironically, I also feel like my brain has turned to mush and I usually can't remember the plot of the movie I watched last night.

So far I haven't been mourning a lack of "me time," but I know that I need to fit more of it into my day.  Strangely enough, doing the dishes or cooking dinner while Z watches 'Rad is a domestic version of "me time."  Without any official 'Rad-less time, I've even been able to finish a book that I rented from the library without having to renew it once.  I have promptly moved on to this literary gem, given to me by a coworker.  I haven't even broken the 100 page mark, but I HIGHLY recommend it.  I started reading it at lunchtime at work and was laughing out loud.  Anne Lamott's experience is completely familiar but unique, and she can put into words so perfectly the uneasy, true feelings of a new mother.  Do yourself a favor and indulge in it with whatever "me time" you get.

'Rad heading to a nap = a little "me time"

1 comment:

jstrom said...

Keep up the good work! I am learning daughter is 2 almost 2.5 and I now wish for the 4 month old days. Try the book...Just Let Me Lie Down, the editor of Real Simple wrote it. I highly recommend buying a copy and keeping it as a reference guide.